Gourmet chef visits Haverford cafeteria

Note: This is a satirical article.

Vivi Feiser, Contributer

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While most would consider Wednesday, January 14th to be a mediocre, boring day, it was far from that for the kitchen staff and lunch monitors of HHS.

“We didn’t see this coming, and it really caught us off guard. We didn’t have much time to prepare, and I was sort of flattered at the honor of him being here, but mostly ticked-off for no warning,” said an exasperated lunch lady who asked to remain anonymous.

The mystery man was none other than Gourmet Chef Dakota Minot, whose claim to fame is chocolate-covered caviar. While this dish has a few disgusted looks shot it’s way, Minot, promises that “this is a dish that is only appreciated by people of good taste.”

Minot was a man a little on the heavier side, but his massive frame hid most of the extra weight. He wore a dark blue jacket over the iconic white chef attire, and his short goatee was stuck in a permanent frown at the state of the kitchen. When asked what he thought of the school, the frown seemed to etch itself even deeper into his face.

“It is sadly just what I expected of a school cafeteria. I would not let my dog Estefan eat in here, let alone prepare food in this place.”

He left soon after his survey of the kitchens and cafeteria, but he seemed to have certainly left his mark on the school- after wandering back to the kitchen to grab a quick interview with the HHS kitchen staff, it was fairly obvious that the visit had shaken them up. A few were scrubbing the counters and floors with vehemence, and one or two were wiping tears from their cheeks, mixing batter and chopping vegetables for the days lunch.

“If he thinks he can come in here, after working in such a place of privilege as a gourmet kitchen, and judge us, he just demonstrated to all of us that he is a pathetic little man with no compassion or conscience for the amount of people we have to provide food for,” spat Mr. Flanagan, who was adamantly slicing carrot sticks.

Will this visit be the catalyst for any improvement to the lunch menu, or will conditions stay the same?

“I actually think we are incredibly privileged here- we have a massive amount of food at our disposal, and while some students complain about it, there are millions of children across the world who are starving, because they can’t even get one good meal, let alone three like a majority of HHS students have the privilege of eating,” said Zoe TeSelle, a junior who is heavily involved in Red Cross relief work, and is planning a trip to India with relief organization Feed My Starving Children.

However, not all students are as gracious to the lunch conditions as TeSelle is; when asked how he felt about the lunch menu, and Chef Minot’s visit, Senior John Cincotti simply gave a laugh and a smirk.

“Well I would hope things get better!,” Cincotti laughed. “If I have to pay money for my lunch, and they give me a greasy slice of cardboard and call it pizza, I’m gonna be pissed off! I want some good food, not the crap they serve. I hope that whoever visited them today shook them up good. I hope they start giving us some good stuff, cause I don’t want to waste my money on their crap.”

The topic of school lunches is widely debated by both students and the faculty at HHS, as well as nationwide, with Michelle Obama trying to improve cafeteria conditions for healthier meals than what is being served.

Hopefully, this unexpected visit by chef Minot was enough to get the ball turning for new and improved conditions in HHS lunches.

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